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Wednesday, March 25, 2015

I May Lose Everything

I have had those days in my life where I have felt like it was the lowest place I could ever be. I felt hopeless, lost, weak, fearful, and broken. When my son died, I even said those words no one wants to hear another say..... " I just want to die!" I felt dead inside and so depressed that I couldn't see past living without my child. Satan attacks us in our weakest moments and I was a helpless, weakened sheep he sought to devour. I do remember the times when I was in my darkest hours I would always think the worst. I would imagine myself being so depressed that I would lose everything. When you're filled with fear you scramble with random thoughts of the absolute worse case scenario. Then the Lord would come in, sit with me, and fill me with His faith. It's nothing I had on my own. My thoughts would shift from " I may lose everything" to "Even if I lose everything....Lord I still have You!"

     He was the only One who truly comforted my broken heart and gave me strength to press on. I could look at the sweet countenance of my daughter and yet the emptiness was behind my smile. My husband could hold my hand and tell me everything was going to be all right, yet my heart would still tremble inside me. It was only God who could steady my heart.

In this life I may lose it all but I know that in the Lord, I have all I need. If I get sick with some horrible disease and I am given a death sentence, I will spend my last breath telling of His goodness. If I must lay another loved one's body in the clay, I know that death is not final and that there's heaven to gain. If I lose my home and all my material goods, I know that I will still have every need supplied in Him. If one day my husband chooses to stray and abandon our love, or my children waiver from the faith, I can trust in His sovereign hand to guide me and reign over all the chaos.

Heaven awaits me after my last breath is gifted and my final care is laid down. Until then I will boast in the holiness of God. His power combats the fiercest of  battles and His love conquers all. He breaks chains that hold me captive and He gives me liberty in Him. He is the lifter of my head. He is the one thing that I can never lose! Today I will rest knowing that every need is supplied!

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