Satan has tried to torture me so much this week with thoughts of Zion's death and how it will be repeated with this baby. I think he is only using Zion's death because my pregnancy never lasted this long with Selah. With him I went all the way.......40weeks and 2days. He was perfect up until that point. He was full of life until some time that day after the 7 am hour. No warnings. No pains. In just one unexpected moment he was taken from this life to one with his Creator. Sounds awesome on his end doesn't it? On my end I was left in shock from the reality that my perfect baby had just died.
At the time of Zion's death I felt totally hopeless. I felt like there was nothing to look forward to or smile about. It all didn't seem to make sense. It was as if I was attempting to place together a puzzle with several pieces missing. I was desperate, lonely, and I felt hopeless.
I was not at all looking forward to my future without my baby, and there were surely not many bits of confidence that I had concerning a positive future for myself. Hope is just the opposite of those feelings. It is also something that satan can't stand for us feel or experience. He would love to keep us defeated and down trodden in our pity , gloom, and despair. However, the Lord desires that we would be HOPE filled.
If I could visually describe what HOPE feels like I would describe it in a little story form. You are lost in some deep, dark, deserted place where there is no other human life. There's not any sustainable supply of water or food. After a while, reality sets in and you realize that you will surely die soon from extreme famine and heart wrenching loneliness. Then, when you had just about given up the ghost and lost all hopes of survival, you are greeted by a little friend. The only thing about this little friend is that He is invisible and unseen by the eye. He seems to only be a meek little sparrow but you can hear mighty strength in His wings. He tells you " I AM Faith" and you can hear beauty, life, and power in His voice. He seems so close and you just wish you could reach out and touch Him. Especially after you had not seen any other form of life for quite some time. He gives you words of comfort and encouragement and asks you "Are you thirsty... or hungry?" Without hesitation you desperately say "Yes!" Then, Faith begins to minister to you by bringing you little morsels of food and water. Day by day your strength is regained as the loneliness begins to fade and your stomach is filled. Faith reminds you that He will continue to supply all your needs and will never leave you lonely. However, your mind begins to wonder ...should you really trust this unseen Faith? Could Faith really supply all your needs, because after all, it is just a tiny invisible bird?
Then, your mind starts to think back at where you were in your famine and loneliness. You realize that you were hopeless and lifeless until Faith came to your rescue. You digest the fact that you had NO chance outside of Faith stepping in to save you out of your complete desolation. So it all comes into the light for you now. You understand that it takes Faith to have any HOPE of a positive future. You know that no matter what, Faith is all you have to stand on. Now faith is the substance of things HOPED for, the evidence of things not seen."(Heb.11:1) Substance in this verse is defined as the essence or meaning. So faith is the meaning of things hoped for. It takes faith to have any HOPE, and faith is not something you see. That's why it's called faith. You step out just trusting that God will do what He said He would do. He's the only HOPEor light at the end of the tunnel.Where you once felt like there was no way to come out of the darkness and despair , you finally see the everlasting Light and you have confidence that it will continue to be a lamp unto your path, no matter the darkest of nights. Now that's HOPE!!
I have hope and confidence that my Lord will see me through this journey to the expected end that He has for me. He has been so faithful to bring me out of those deserted and famine ridden lands of despair and grief. He has quenched my thirst and hunger repeatedly. "And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst." (John 6:35) That's why He's the only one I can put my faith in to give me HOPE for my future. I trust that He is working all things for my good regardless of the outcome. Let us not only put faith and hope in a positive ending or outcome, but let us put faith and hope in the person, Jesus Christ, regardless of the outcome. Pray for us as we continue to put our HOPE and trust in the Lord throughout the remainder of this journey. May we always praise Him and give Him all the glory for what He has done.
"And now, Lord, what wait I for? My hope is in thee." Psalms 39:7