Trusting In The God Of The Present: Part 3

My God of the present was right there where He said He would be all along. The scripture says that He is a present help in our time of trouble. The problem was that because I didn't know about the future or what it held that I couldn't fully trust and peacefully rest in the present. Mary & Martha had that same problem. All they knew was that their brother was dead at the present time. They were broken and felt despair that they would never see their brother alive again.

I will have to say that on a positive note,  when Mary & Martha. made their petition to Jesus they were straight forward. They said "Lord whom thou lovest is sick." They didn't ramble on about what the problem was and how He needed to fix it. We do that a lot of times. We will say God , here is our request and here's how You need to fix it. Jesus did fix their problem by raising their brother Lazarus from the grave, however , He did it in His timing and by His own will.

What did Jesus think about their anxiety and fear? " Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled. " (John 11:32-33) It said that He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. In the Greek "groaned" has a negative connotation here. It means to be upset and to rebuke. He groaned again later in the chapter. This is speaking of the Jews:" And some of them said, Could not this man, which opened the eyes of the blind, have caused that even this man should not have died?  Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it" (John 11:37-38) So, no doubt here Jesus was not pleased with their anxieties, fears, or doubt.

Is that meaning that it is wrong to grieve or mourn? No, in Ecclesiastes it says that there is a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Nevertheless, when it blinds you from the truth of who God is and causes anxieties and fears, then yes, it is wrong. Like I said, I have struggled, and at times, still struggle with this in my daily walk. There were times I would fear over the silly things and almost drive myself crazy. My view of God was definitely clouded and I couldn't see through the fog to see the truth. When our view of God is skewed, like Mary's & Martha's was, then we make our anxieties worse.

I dealt with this a little this morning. I had a horrible dream last night , like I often do, that I lost my baby. When I woke up this morning that horrible thought was already on my mind and satan ran with it. And of course my baby had to be snuggly warm inside and fast asleep. They weren't  willing to budge an inch. I started to dwell on the reality that the worst "could" happen again. I felt defeated and powerless for a few moments. My humanistic mind just about took control and it was heeding to satan's snares. Then the Lord stepped in and proved His control over the whole situation. Satan's power was abolished and my fears were relinquished! My baby instantly came to life!! I literally jumped from my seat and started praising the Lord! He did it again!! He proved Himself once again! He IS my God of the PRESENT!! I want to praise the Lord for loving me even when I am doubtful and I fear! I pray that I may grow more in grace and knowledge of Him so that I may better trust in Him as my God of the Present!!

Trusting In The God Of The Present: Part 2

Secondly, Mary & Martha were troubled with:

 2. Distance-  Martha said "Lord if you would have been "here" my brother would have not died". They thought Jesus had to be present to heal him. Martha, being that woman of action, was in her own way accusatory. She was troubled because she knew that the Lord had healed others from a distance, like He did the Centurion's servant, but He didn't do the same for someone that He said He loved. These will be hard words for some people, but sometimes sickness is designed for the glory of God. (John 11:.4) Sin is not always the cause of sickness like some may believe. Look at the apostle Paul. God never healed him and although his infirmity was never cured Paul was a much stronger Christian and apostle for God's service. God received more glory from Paul's illness than He would have from his health .

It's the same with us. Suffering often produces a stronger servant. I can attest to that myself. I feel that because of my suffering I have a closer relationship with the Lord, and I'm grateful. It seems that now, after going through the trials, that I have realized who my God really is and I can truly say " Even if". Even if the Lord chooses for me not to hold this baby alive. Even if I get Cancer or some horrible sickness or disease. Even if I lose my precious family members to death or I go financially bankrupt, I know that I will be sustained by Him .  My assurance in the Lord is all because of the trials that I have been through.  He has proven Himself to me time and time again and that's why I have so much confidence in my future with Him. I am not a victim, but a true victor because of Him.

 Thirdly, Mary & Martha were troubled with:

3. Disbelief - I feel this is the major part of the lesson here. Mary & Martha had a shallow understanding of who He was. Martha believed He was a God of the past when she said " If you would have been here He would not have died."  She also believed He was a God of the future when she said in Vs. 24( speaking of Lazarus) " I know he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day." She believed He would be the resurrection. What about a present God?

The Lord proved He was a God of the PRESENT with His response to Martha in Vs. 25. He said " I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live." So in that statement He was saying to her " I am the God of the present! "  Martha's disbelief  and anxiety was for the present time. She said that he was dead and he stinks. All hope seemed lost.

Remember Jesus saying in Vs. 15 that He was glad that He wasn't there to heal Lazarus so that they would believe. His absence allowed Lazarus to die so that He could perform the miracle of resurrection and increase the faith of  Mary, Martha, and His disciples. They needed to have faith in Jesus' ability to give life because they would soon see their beloved Savior hanging on a cross. They would need to have true confidence in their faith to believe He had power over death!

Death! Sickness! These have been real anxieties of mine and I am sure the anxieties of so many others as well. I was so scared that I was going to lose my only living child to some horrible accident or sickness. Another big fear I had was leaving her motherless from me dying of some horrible disease like Cancer. Death, no matter the time, is a shocker! Especially experiencing the sudden death of someone you love. There is no preparation and you are immediately sent into a total collaboration of numbness, fear , and shock.

I saw the frailty of life the day Zion died and it was reaffirmed the day that I found out that Selah had died also . In my fear I was scared to death of death itself . Not that I wasn't assured of my salvation, but that I didn't want the pain or sting of death anymore. Death and I had become well acquainted. Death was scary, it seemed hopeless, and it literally hurt! However, the Bible tells us that  Christians need not fear death. No one will ever die one second too soon or too late.

Hbr 9:27           "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment. " - We ALL have a specific appointment.


1Sa 2:6           "The LORD killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up."

So the Lord is in control of every breath. We seem to find this easier to believe, or even digest, when it is an old saint , however, when it's a child we feel very different. It's disturbing for some to think of  God's control in that. Is God only in control of old people dying and He loses the reigns when babies or young people die? Does He step down from His holy throne at times and at other times have His hands tied to our will or circumstances in our life.  No, I believe that God  is Sovereign in everything or in nothing at all.

This concept was one I struggled with myself when Zion and Selah died. My first thoughts were those of "What did I do wrong that took my baby's life?" If I had only not done this or if I would have just done that. My family were quick to point out all the things I should've done so he /she could've lived and still to this day those comments hurt. The what ifs broke me at the time and ultimately placed fear and doubt in my clear view. I started to see with a more humanistic view and I lost my understanding of the truth of who God was.

I knew from my experience that He was a God of the past.  And I knew from the Bible that He would be my God of the future.  But where was my God of the present?

*Stay tuned for the last part of the post

Trusting In The God Of The Present: Part 1

The supreme purpose of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. However, one of the greatest obstacles to fulfilling that purpose is anxiety and fear. Anxiety is inner turmoil, distress or fear. Unfortunately, some of us all are all too well acquainted with fear and anxiety.

What does the bible say about anxiety?
"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." Phil. 4:6
The word careful here means anxious. So be anxious for nothing! Sometimes in our brain it is easier said than done.

"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?" Matthew 6:25.

"Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?"  Matthew 6:27
Fearing and having anxiety is pointless and robs us of precious time in our life. Who can add or take away one second from their life when a holy and sovereign Lord is in control?

There are so many instances throughout the scripture where men feared and had their own anxieties. One instance being the story of  Mary, Martha,  and their brother Lazarus in John 11. Mary was the younger sister often seen as the more spiritual one and also known as a woman filled with emotion and femininity. She was the sister that sat at Jesus feet and worshiped Him.  Martha on the other hand was the eldest of the sisters and she was definitely a  woman of service,  a homemaker, that was full of hospitality. She was the one who welcomed Jesus into her home just days before.

We find that Mary & Martha had sent for Jesus because their brother was deathly sick. They said "Lord whom thou lovest is sick!" When Jesus heard of the sickness He said " This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby."(John 11:4) Scripture also tells us that Jesus waited two more days after their plea and remained right where He was, in a place beyond Jordan.

His disciples continued to question Jesus because He wasn't in a hurry. They thought that Lazarus must not be that bad off  because of what seemed like Jesus' lack of concern. Then look at Jesus' response in 14 & 15 . "Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead.  And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent ye may believe; nevertheless let us go unto him." Then Jesus continues on His journey toward Bethany. At His arrival we know that Lazarus had been dead 4 days already. What was the sisters' response when Jesus arrived? Martha ran to Jesus and said "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died." Mary had the same response as she fell at his feet. No doubt these sisters were troubled and full of anxiety because the Master did not make it in time to heal their brother that they so dearly loved.

The sisters were troubled with three main things.

1. Delay-   Why did Jesus delay so long before going to Lazarus?
Verse 5 affirms that Jesus loved the three siblings dearly. That should reassure us of Jesus' love in spite of his two- day delay. You might say that's an odd or strange kind of love that would wait to go heal someone he loved when He was surely capable of the task. However , His delay did not mean that He didn't love Lazarus. Can you imagine love on the basis of time? Verse 6 tells us that it was a delay of love not a delay of time.Jesus knew the delay would make His love more real and would bring more glory to God. That's why He waited until Lazarus was dead. Four days kind of dead!  It's more glorious to raise an impossibility than to just fix some little problem we might have.

How often do we worry because God doesn't  immediately come to the rescue? He often makes us wait as well before His love can really become visible to us. I dealt with this myself right after I lost my son Zion. I felt like I was trying to serve God and my anxiety would not go away. It seemed to even grow at times and new anxieties were added daily.  In my eyes I truly felt like a victim. I kept dwelling on the thoughts that Satan had fed me. Ones where I would literally die from the pain and I would never be able to get past my grief to live a normal life. It wasn't until I finally started listening to the voice of truth and God's word that I could move a step forward from my crippling anxiety. That came from my husband and some great friends and family members continually ministering  and guiding me in the way of  truth and reminding me of God's promises.

It seems as Christians sometimes we feel that God's only way for us is easy and without pain, suffering, or struggles.. However, that is clearly contrary to scripture. Suffering is always for a purpose. It is so that we may know Him (Phl 3:10) and that His glory might be revealed to us.

"But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.  To Him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:10-11

Facing Your Fears

Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. It's also an emotion that I have been closely acquainted with over the last 2 years. For some time, after each loss, I feared so many different things in my life. One big fear was that I would never know happiness and true joy again. I remember that I often said to Jeremy  "Will I ever truly smile again?" I couldn't imagine going on without my son and daughter and  not having to fake a smile while I longed for them to be here with us. At times, I was engulfed by my anxieties and satan had me convinced that I would literally die from the pain of my grief. I was so scared for night to come because that's when I feared the most. I would even make long trips to Walmart in the wee hours of the night/morning just so I could see life stirring around me. I dreaded to pillow my head at night in true fear of dying and leaving my sweet Ellie motherless. These fears were so crippling at times, and I know in my heart that I have lost precious moments with my family and those that needed me. However, my fears had such a strong hold on my life that I couldn't see past them to see their devastating effects.

Another one of my biggest fears, and one that so many of us struggle with, are the "what ifs".  We feel out of control not knowing the outcome of things. I'll admit, it's more like a burden to worry about the thought that this life could be taken away from us at any moment. I will also say, that being pregnant after loss is not easy, by no means, but extremely faith testing. Every pain and twinge makes my mind wonder, "what if this could be the day that I lose my unborn child". I'm human, and I don't always hear the voice of Truth ringing in my ear. Sometimes my fears and anxieties seem to speak louder at times, and unfortunately, I listen. I remember one of the last times that I met with my dear midwife. She was trying to console me as I feared for her to check for the heartbeat of my baby. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, showing true empathy after she herself had suffered multiple losses. She said to me "You must replace your fear with faith! Fear will never change anything for the good. It will only take from those things that are most precious to you." What wise and heartfelt words from someone who understood and had felt my fears and pains just like my own.

Needless to say, I still have my fears at times. However, I am learning to face them one day at a time. It's time for faith to replace them. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Heb11:1). So it's time to walk by faith and not by sight and not by things I can't control. I don't know the future of my unborn child, but I do know the One who controls his/her future. I also don't want to be afraid of my own future and not live out the joyous life that I have in Christ. I want to do like the song writer says "If the life that we've been given is made beautiful in the living. And the joy that we get brings joy to the heart of the Giver. I wanna live like there's no tomorrow and love like I'm on borrowed time. It's good to be alive!" Life is too precious of a gift to waste on the fear of  living it!

Tomorrow, I have an ultrasound for my sweet baby and I pray that all goes well. However, I don't want to be afraid of God's will whatever it may be. That's a hard thing to say because the thought of what His will might be can be scary at times. It might hurt and cause suffering, but we need to see it in the light of whatever it takes to bring Him glory and praise.

I pray that I can enjoy my sweet unborn baby. I want to cherish each day that I have with them and not waste precious time fearing the "what ifs". It's my desire to face my destructive and profitless fears and replace them with true faith in the only One whose worthy to put my faith in. May we all look unto Him who will give us the strength to face our fears and walk boldly in the way of the Lord! To Him alone be the glory!

A song for my sweet baby Sams.

All Of Me
Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

(Chorus)
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Chorus

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me