Expired

"Estimated" Due Dates, also known as EDDs, sometimes frustrate me when taken to the extreme. They are "guess dates" really. They are meant to be used as an estimation date and not as an expiration date. I guess I get personally frustrated because I am one who seems to have her babies 3 days past her estimated due dates, and sometimes that gets held against me. When my son Zion died at 2 days post due date and I delivered at 3 days post due date, I had several say to me "Why did you go past your due date? Why didn't you get induced and he might've/would've lived? " or "Why didn't you go in when you felt the first pain?" They felt, or still feel,  that because my son went 2 days past this estimation that surely his death could've been prevented by,  in their terms, going in and letting them  "take" my baby. After all, inductions being performed on, just days prior to, or post due date for no health reason, are very common occurrences now. However, I feel that it is really unfair to assume that my son's death could've been prevented had it not been for 3 days .

I went through this same thing with Ellie. I went to the dr. on my due date and by the end of the appointment they had already scheduled my induction. I was terrified when the consultation was over. I was told that if I didn't have my baby over the weekend then I would be brought in at the first of the week for an induction. Thank you Jesus!  I did go into labor and didn't have to be induced! She was born 3 days after her "estimated due date".

People are constantly asking when my due date is, and I'll admit, I am very hesitant to reveal it a lot of times. I know people are excited and they want to see me hold a new and live baby just as I do. They have good intentions, however, after my experience with Zion and his due date, I don't want anyone putting pressure on me or instilling any type of  fear into my pregnancy.

I am trying to have a pregnancy that is peaceful and full of trusting in the Lord, and it's hard, especially with outside influences. I do believe that the Lord is in FULL and TOTAL control of my baby's arrival  and that gives me peace. I know there are mother's that have lost babies that feel they need an induction or cesarean to make them feel less anxiety and it gives them a sense of peace.  I would NEVER hold that against them. Nevertheless, I don't feel that I should feel pressured or feel like I am neglecting the welfare of my child if I choose not to do either of those after the loss of my children. I have had way more than one person suggest a cesarean birth to ensure that my baby will live.

I am sorry, if God, the author of life,  means for your baby to live then they will, no matter the type of birth you experience. Every man, woman, boy or girl has their appointment with death ,and ultimately God.(Heb. 9:27) If  life is truly in our hands then we become God and we have no need of Him. I don't like the idea of women feeling bullied or scared into doing something unnecessary because of others' fears. I see this happen so often with my doula clients and I can't tell you how frustrating it is.

I do feel that we should make wise, careful, and prayerfully thought out decisions about anything regarding our children. I also feel that there are times and instances for interventions such as inductions or cesareans. At this point there is no reason for me to have any interventions because it has been noted by my doctor and my midwives that I am currently experiencing a normal and very healthy pregnancy. That is not to say that something might occur in mine or the baby's health in the remainder of my pregnancy. If so,  then yes, I would feel the need to have an intervention at that time. I do plan on waiting on the Lord to send my baby when it's the perfect time so be patient with us.  : )

Sorry to be so transparent,and the Lord knows that I don't want to offend or hurt anyone, but I'm already feeling the pressure as my " due date" is just around the corner. I am definitely in the home stretch ,so to speak, and the anticipation is growing.

I ask that everyone reading this blog ,as well as their friends and loved ones, to pray for us as Baby Sams and I finish out this part of  our journey together. Pray that it will be one of peace and not fear. One of  truly trusting in our Sovereign Lord and His control in our lives. Pray for others that just might not know what to say to loss mothers like myself, and as a result, do more damage than good, when they honestly mean well. Pray that the Lord would fill their mouths with  the right words to say or bridle their tongues when their silence would be better heard.

As I write this I am in tears thinking of  how good God has been. He's given me such caring and supportive people that I love and call my friends. Your prayers, and the prayers of so many others that I don't even know, have meant so much! I have felt them as God has given me so much grace and peace to actually enjoy this pregnancy, when I thought it would be impossible for me to ever feel peace in a pregnancy again. I also pray that if it be God's will that I will hold this baby alive very soon and that I will be able to share him/her with everyone and that we may honor God with our rejoicing over all that He has done. He is worthy! To God alone be the glory!

 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end" Jeremiah 29:11

My Life As A Doula

 What is a doula?

 The word "doula" comes from the ancient Greek meaning "a woman who serves" and is now used to refer to a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth. Postpartum Doulas provide in-home services to families, typically lasting from three weeks to three months, or longer with special circumstances. Some doulas combine the birth and postpartum roles, thereby offering continuity of care throughout the childbearing year. A Baby Loss Doula  serves the mother and family experiencing the death of a baby during pregnancy or soon after birth. The Doula's goal is to provide ongoing physical, emotional, and informational support to the family during and after their time of  loss.

The first time I heard of a doula I was giving tours at HP Regional Hospital for expectant parents. It wasn't unusual to have large groups of expectant parents come through my tours on any one night. However, on that  night I only had two women to escort down the hospital halls. I assumed that the relationship between the two were mother and daughter, but I wasn't sure, so I asked. The younger lady replied "No, this is my doula." Doula??? I had never heard of one before. So instead of me answering all of their questions, I had quite a few of my own. The doula tried her best to educate me within the short time we had with each other.  I had an immediate connection with both of the ladies. I would say it was a divine appointment! At the end of our conversation the doula told me why she was needed so badly to serve this young woman. My ears were peeled back and my heart was open! The young girl had quite a sad, but not uncommon story. Her boyfriend had moved her to this area from Rhode Island against her family's wishes. As a result of this decision, her parents and family had disowned her. Sadly enough, when she became pregnant her boyfriend kicked her out and she was living with strangers. So, there she was,  pregnant ,and felt all alone with no where to turn. She knew that the birth of her baby was something special that she wanted to share with someone that cared. So she found a doula.

That night, I went home,  walked in the door with tears in my eyes and a big smile on my face, and anxiously told Jeremy I had found my calling! He was like "Who? What? When? Where?" I spent the next couple hours being excited over something I knew so little about. All I knew was that God has placed these women in my path to show me His calling, and I was excited! The role fit me perfectly, seeing how I've always loved to serve and encourage women. I was on the breast feeding support team at the hospital, and I love birth! It was so easy to envision myself as a doula. So immediately, the studying, research, and training to become a doula began.

I have been a birth & postpartum doula for about 3 and 1/2 years now and it has been such a blessing in my life. I have thoroughly enjoyed serving others and supporting their births. Since my losses, seeing the miracle of birth has never amazed me so much. I rejoice with those that rejoice and I mourn with those that mourn . I am a doula.

I pray that I can serve families and assist them in having a blessed birth experience. I also pray that I can minister to those who are alone, hurting, or suffering from great loss so that I may be a testimony of the love of Christ.

"I have showed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive." Acts 20:35