Mud Between Your Toes

My sweetest Zion,
     I know you would've been mischievous and rowdy like any little boy should be. I wish I could have seen that and snickered a time or two. I think of how you would've been like your daddy, always getting into something. I love imagining you playing in the mud and digging up disgusting insects as little trophies. Watching you play in the rain would've been nice to see. To me, that's one of the most carefree thoughts that come to mind. You don't care if you get soaked, you get cold, or if you even get a little mud between your toes. I can see your cute little flat feet come running now and you covered with mud from head to toe. Yeah... that's what little boys do. Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails, right?  I would love to have gotten any small dead snake or even a little rock that you found that was surely pirates' gold. Oh baby boy........daydreaming will just have to pacify me for now. While I wait to hold you again I will watch you grow in my heart as I see others' little boys run and play into the years. I love you all the way to heaven!!

Love,
Mommy

The Smile Unseen

Missing Zion : Day 2

Dear baby boy,
     I miss your smile. I know you must've smiled tons of times while I carried you because you were so perfect and cozy next to my heart that loved you so much. Not to mention, that you made me so blissful as well. The joy surely had to be beaming from the inside out. The saddest part is that I never got to see you smile. Not once. That thought hurts a lot sometimes. I wish I could've seen you grin just once so that I could take that snapshot captive in my memories. I know that in reality you never stopped smiling from earth, right into heaven. Maybe the Lord never allowed me to see you smile because he knew that daydreaming of that thought would get me through some of my roughest days.  When I get to heaven, seeing you and Selah is second in line to seeing my Jesus. I can't wait to see you smile at me for the first time as I hear you call out my name.... "Mommy!" Then, I'll never have to daydream ever again.

Love,
Mommy

Lips of Crimson

Well ...it's coming up on another year without my little buddy. Zion Jeremiah would've been 4 at the end of this month and it still seems like he was just born. Every year I have without him seems like a milestone missed , yet a milestone met in grief. I wanted to make a daily blog post journaling things I miss about him or my thoughts on where I am at in this journey in my life. Openly talking about the losses of both him and Selah has aided in my healing so much. That's why I have chosen to share my thoughts freely and blog daily during the month of his birth.

Day :1  My dear baby boy,
One thing I miss most about you is your beautiful crimson red lips. They were so sweet to kiss when I first held you in my arms and called you by your name. Most parents go on for years describing each thing about their child that is so beautiful and distinct from all others, but I miss what I was blessed with in the brief hours that I had with you. While looking at you it was hard to believe that your lips were not painted on because they were absolutely perfect. Someone even asked why they put lipstick on you!! Nope.... not my boy!! You were just that perfect! I felt  proud when I was told by so many that saw you on your birthday, that you were the most beautiful boy they had every seen. You are baby boy! You are the most beautiful baby boy EVER!  The baby boy with the prettiest lips of crimson that I can't wait to kiss again one...sweet...day!

Love,
Mommy