Capture Your Grief : A Healing Photography Challenge-Part 4

Day 21: Honor

We honor Zion & Selah by remembering them in all that we do. There is never a day that passes that we don't talk about them. I want all my children to know that they have a brother and sister in heaven and that their life is a very important part of our family. Ellie is the spokeswoman of our little family. We were recently at a local church sharing our painting ministry and the president of the group was introducing our family. When she stated that we only had 2 beautiful girls Ellie had to step into to make the correction." Umm..No...No..actually there's 3 beautiful girls and my brother, but my brother Zion and my sister Selah are in heaven now!" Yes... the tears were flowing at that moment, but I must admit, I was so proud and she said what my heart was crying out on the inside! I am a blessed mother of 4 beautiful children!

Every year on Zion & Selah's birthday we celebrate their life here on Earth and in heaven with family and friends. We also participate in the annual "Walk To Remember" with other loss parents. Walking just says to the world that you have a child/children in heaven and that their life has great worth and value to you and your family!

I think that we honor them most by telling their stories. Breaking the silence about pregnancy/infant loss is definitely a passion of mine. I desire to live my life fully and and victoriously by remembering Zion & Selah, not as some unfortunate circumstances that happened to me or sad parts of my story, but rather as two precious souls that were made in love, and created with a great purpose. They make my life beautiful !

                                                                                                          

 Day 22: Words

This is a song that I cling to and it represents where I'm at on my journey of grief. Please take time to hear the audio of the song. I promise it will bless your heart! It is a great inspiration to have experienced suffering.

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I come, God, I come
I return to the Lord
The one who’s broken
The one who’s torn me apart
You strike down to bind me up
You say you do it all in love
That I might know you in your suffering

Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need

My heart and flesh may fail
The earth below give way
But with my eyes, with my eyes I’ll see the Lord
Lifted high on that day
Behold, the Lamb that was slain
And I’ll know every tear was worth it all

Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need

Though tonight I’m crying out
Let this cup pass from me now
You’re still more than I need
You’re enough for me
You’re enough for me

                                                                                                            

 Day 24: Artwork

This is a beautiful Christmas ornament my husband painted in memory of babies that are born sleeping. It reminds me of how precious life is and that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. I also love the heart around the baby because it represents the baby being sustained and surrounded by love. To view more Christian artwork visit http://www.jeremysams.com/

                                                                                                       

 Day 25 : Say It Out Loud

 If I could say anything out loud about my journey of grief it would be that I would STILL choose my babies. Even if I knew what would lie ahead be it death, sorrow, grief, or pain. I would still go through it all just to meet them and have them change my life forever. I would still choose this bittersweet journey if I knew it was the only way to them. Those precious months that I had with each of them will last a lifetime. I have been made a proud mother of 4 for a reason and I trust that God is in total control. I will never stop talking about who they are in my life. They are my children. I will choose to include them in all my family's adventures because I carry them close in my heart everywhere I go. Only time separates us. No grief or sorrow could ever hurt so bad that I would choose to put them aside and remove them from my memories. Zion & Selah I would STILL choose you!

Please take time to watch this short clip. It's about breaking the silence surrounding pregnancy and infant loss. STILL is for those who grieve as well as those who want to reach out and understand. Grab your tissues!

http://stillproject.org/

                                                                                                       

 Day 26: Community

I feel so blessed to say that from the very beginning of this journey we have had the love and support of so many great people. They have been there to hold our hand as we walked down this twisted and rocky road called grief. They have been a listening ear even when it was hard to take it all in and uncomfortable to hear at times. We are blessed with your love toward us and our babies in heaven! It means so much! We pray that someone on this same journey of grief might find HOPE by us sharing our story. We also pray that they will know JOY through their sorrow and see BEAUTY for ashes , just as we have. We want to thank everyone that has ever selflessly ministered to our family! We love you and feel so blessed to call you friends!

                                                                                                     

 Day :28 -Special Place

The beach is a place where I think of my Zion & Selah every time that I go. Shortly after losing Zion I was so depressed. I remember trying to do anything to stay busy at the time and for me, there's no other place so serene as the majestic ocean. I remember watching the endlessness of the ocean and thinking of the One who created it all. The only peace that I had was knowing that at that very moment, that same omnipresent, sovereign God was holding my Zion, while at the same time He was holding me!

Some of the last memories I have of Selah were while Jeremy and I were away at the beach for our anniversary that year. I remember going out to eat dinner and feeling her squirm and we rejoiced over her life, after we had experienced such loss. Those little moments meant so much because they were some of the last times that I ever felt her tiny body move inside of my own.

I took this pic after I had lost Selah. It made me feel like we were all there as a family at the ocean that day. It was bittersweet but I smiled when the ocean washed the names out into the deep blue. I felt as though it was just like sharing them with the world. I will say that it still hurts to walk down the dusty dunes knowing that I am missing four tiny hands and four tiny feet. However, I choose to find joy knowing that I still get to hold four other tiny hands and watch 4 other tiny feet prints in the sand. Now I am blessed to say that there are 4 names that wash out into the deep blue and I choose to share them all with world!

                                                                                                   

  

Day 29: Healing

When I look at this picture I see a mother who is being healed( present tense). Satan tried continuously to break my heart and crush my dreams by telling me that I was incapable of delivering a live baby. To me, this is not only a picture of healing, but also one of victory. I still cry when I see it! I smiled on the inside knowing that good does overcome evil and God always reigns! I am still in awe of it all. Now I really know what HOPE looks like because I hold it every day! God is mending me just like he does so many broken things. He is more to me than my words could ever describe and I have no need to doubt Him now! HE is my healing!