Standing Still

As some of you may know,  this blog has been a work in progress for over a year and a half now. After losing Zion I had thoughts of  starting a blog to share my daily thoughts and feelings, but  never got motivated to actually accomplish the task. Waking up with positive thoughts of daily living seemed unimaginable some days. So, the farthest  I ever got was a backdrop that Jeremy had created, and a title that I felt was fitting for what had just happened in our lives. My beautiful Zion had just been born still. The title "Standing Still" came quickly after remembering a verse that God had placed on our hearts after losing him. "Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God" Job 37:14. 

It's not difficult to see His marvelous works when we're still . Standing still is all I was really capable of doing. I felt like I couldn't take too many steps forward for the fear of what might happen. And I surely didn't want to look back for the fear of going through it all over again. Therefore, all I knew to do was stand still and try my best to think only of the presentness of God and how the scripture says that He is our refuge and strength , a very  present  help in trouble (Psalm. 46:1).  I realized that no matter how great and supportive my friends and family were, no one else could bring me out of those deep and dark feelings of my grief.

Little did I know,  that 5 months after the loss of Zion I would find out that I was unexpectedly, very pregnant with Selah. Her due date was the day we buried Zion. The moment I realized I was pregnant, I immediately felt the fear of  losing my baby again. Unfortunately, that fear came to fruition the day I went into labor with my little sleeping beauty Selah at 20wks 4days. Again, another precious life born still and placed in my arms. We were heartbroken, but at the same time, we found joy.  We had another name picked for my sweet Selah but when we saw how fearfully and wonderfully made she was, we knew that name was surely not fitting for her. We gave her the name Selah, meaning to pause and praise, or in a parallel thought, to stand still and consider the wondrous works of God. And that's what we did. We took that time to worship in our hearts and thank God that He had given us the blessing of being in His presence and for giving us that precious time with our baby. We were in awe at how He had designed each one of her tiny fingers and toes and had given her something from the both of us, another one of His wondrous works.


God has been so faithful to lead us safely down this road of healing that we've been on for almost 2 yrs now. It's been a time of much suffering, but yet so much more joy! One recent joy being that we have hope of  having another live baby very soon. We realize that a live baby may not be His will, however, we trust that His will is perfect and that He is always working all things for our good.  So for now, we must  stand still and trust in His ultimate plan for us. Please pray for us as we continue on this journey of healing and hope, that we may live out our desire to bring glory and honor to the Lord in all that we do. May we see His wonderful works in our stillness! To God alone be the glory! 

"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." Psa.46:10